My sister completed her PG recently and has moved out of town pursuing her career. And my parents are back to where they were six years back.
When I graduated, there was immense pressure on my parents to get me married… Especially since I was moving out to a new city all by myself.. My dad happens to be a strong believer in astrology, and since his astrologer said ‘ not yet ‘ about my wedding, I was spared for a while. As much as i try to ensure it my sis may not get the breather I got 😦
In my ongoing attempts I try to educate my parents of the need for her to identify what she wants from her partner and what she can be as a partner.
Personally, I don’t care who plays Cupid… Parents, friends, relatives, internet…As long as the couple gets to decide under no pressure, all is fair. That being said, I had my own reservations against arranged marriage.
1. I wanted to be able to trust my partner absolutely and expected that from him. I had no idea how to evaluate this in a stranger.
2. I was very particular about personal hygiene. Everyone appears clean for a date. So no luck there.
3. I wanted us to love each other without any external force telling us to love each other. This was never going to happen in the arranged setup.
4. I wanted to test it out and be confident before I said I do. Taboo topic.
There were many more little things that mattered the world to me, but could never be sure of in the arranged set up.
Though I had met about 4 guys under the supervision of parents and relatives, when I said no they accepted it. My parents treasure my happiness but have difficulty understanding what makes me happy or why it makes me happy or both.
So finally when I realized that my colleague and best friend has grown out of those roles, to be a partner for life we decided to inform our parents. My parents asked a lot of questions. My answers made them realize no point in saying no. They agreed. They knew him from earlier train journeys.His parents dismissed it as infatuation. His elder brother was not married too.We decided to give them time, we were in no rush. We were together all the time, it dint matter that we were not actually married.
All this while my parents pretended to the rest of the world that they were still looking for a suitable groom. It took three years to get both parents to meet up. All went relatively well and we have been married for about two years now. To this date none of my relatives know that it was a love marriage. My parents took extra care to ensure that this dint ‘leak’ out. The caste difference was brilliantly covered up. All this was done just so my sister will not be the sister of a love married girl!! And on his side, many relatives declared cold war which is ongoing even today…
Though we did nothing wrong, we remain sinners.. And for no fault of their’s our parents faced a lot of criticism and unpleasant exchanges… Love marriages are acceptable only on screen, in real life its revolutionary!!!
PS: Most ridiculous advice we received: (read this in a threat tone) You guys are responsible for the future of this relationship. Don’t come to us.
We were way too amazed to respond 🙂