Here I am, at yet another confusing phase of life, aspiring clarity of thoughts. Its time again to step into the unknown, the unknown being parenting.
I have been having strange thoughts about all of this. What makes anyone want a baby? Why would anyone want to go through life threatening activities to have a kid?
Do people do this because that is what is expected of them? Was this some sort of scheme to ensure that all of us get trapped into the responsibility of bringing up a kid? Was this the easiest achievement of your life? For e.g. If you ask a 60 year old what did you do in the last 60 years the expected answer is – I raised 2 kids who are now well off.
At some point I felt uncomfortable that I have these weird thoughts.
I was worried about disturbing the stability we have now. We have the luxury of choice when it comes to work and finance now. We can afford to give up one of the jobs to live together. We can choose a lesser paying job, so that we have time for each other and not lose our youth in the office. I am afraid to give up these choices.
More than all of that, I wondered what kind of parents we would be. I have no idea. There were many things my parents painstakingly taught me, but I left them at home. I don’t know what needs to be taught and what should be left to them. I wondered if we are ready for all this…
I worried about sharing the love of my life…yeah how selfish of me!!! I worried about the changes that would take over our life…I worried about many more things…but I dint have the nerve to say I don’t want to go this route.
I still worry about all of this…but I decided to go ahead and give it a try. I never wanted our baby to be an accidental by product of us having fun. I am confident now – if and when the pregnancy test turns positive, neither of us will use any swear words as reaction or will be shocked and try to accept it. I have a feeling we will be thrilled. I believe that means we really want to experience all of this.
Just like I never wanted to be married until I fell in love, I am sure I will love all of this at the end of it all. Wish us luck!